FINDING
GOD'S
MATE FOR YOUR LIFE,
FROM
A BIBLICAL PROSPECTIVE!
By:
Rex
Duff
The
Bible states in Isaiah 59:14, “And judgment is turned away
backward, and justice standeth afar off: for truth is fallen
in the street, and equity cannot enter”.
With divorce being over 50% of those who do get married, in and out of the Church, isn’t it time to see what God says on finding a life mate?
Outside of salvation, the most important decision you can make in life is whom you will marry. The problem is, most people never consider that God has a plan for you in finding that right person.
1) The World’s Plan (Judges 21:25) “In those days there was no king in Israel: every man did that which was right in his own eyes”.
DATING -- Definition of Dating – Dating is having a special interest in a person of the opposite gender, and cultivating that interest through thoughts, looks, notes, talks, or events.
Dating is jumping from one person to another, hoping to find the right one after much trial and error.
Dating is practicing Divorce early. When you are tired of the one you are with, just get another!
1st Example – In Genesis 6:1-2, we find saved boys who took wives which they choose, who were beautiful (sensual) and lost! Genesis 6:1-2, “And it came to pass, when men began to multiply on the face of the earth, and daughters were born unto them, That the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives of all which they chose”.
In Genesis 6:5-7, we find the result of this. ---Total wickedness, which led to destruction!
Genesis 6:5-7, “And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And it repented the Lord that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart. And the Lord, said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them”.
2nd Example – In Deuteronomy 24:1, we find a man takes a wife (with no parental involvement or approval stated).
And what is the result? – The girl married, under Jewish law (thus before consummated) turn out to have a bad moral character, which ended up in Divorce, Old Testament style. Deuteronomy 24:1, “When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, (signed an OT contract) and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house”.
3rd Example – In Genesis 34:1-2, we find Dinah, who – went to the wrong places, while looking for a date in the world, with no parental involvement, who wanted to act like the world (to belong) with tragic results.
SHE WAS RAPED!
Genesis 34: 1-2, “And Dinah the daughter of Leah, which she bare unto Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land. And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the county, saw her, he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her”.
A. Dating type relationships in the Word of God
Solomon – Wisest man on earth (I King 11:4), “For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods: and his heart was not perfect with the Lord his God, as was the heart of David his father.”
David – The purest man (2 Samuel 11:1 – 12:14), “And it came to pass, after the year was expired, at the time when kings go forth to battle, that David sent Joab, and his servants with him, and all Israel; and they destroyed the children of Ammon, and besieged Rabbah. But David tarried still at Jerusalem. And it came to pass in an eveningtide, that David arose from off his bed, and walked upon the roof of the king’s house: and from the roof he saw a woman washing herself; and the woman was very beautiful to look upon. And David sent and enquired after the woman. And one said, Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite? And David sent messengers, and took her, and she came in unto him, and he lay with her; for she was purified from her uncleanness: and she returned unto her house. And the woman conceived, and sent and told David, and said, I am with child. And David sent to Joab, saying, Send me Uriah the Hittite. And Joab sent Uriah to David. And when Uriah was come unto him, David demanded of him how Joab did, and how the people did, and how the war prospered. And David said to Uriah, Go down to thy house, and wash thy feet. And Uriah departed out of the king’s house, and there followed him a mess of meat from the king. But Uriah slept at the door of the king’s house with all the servants of his lord, and went not down to his house. And when they had told David, saying, Uriah went not down unto his house, David said unto Uriah, Camest thou not from thy journey? why then didst thou not go down unto thine house? And Uriah said unto David, The ark, and Israel, and Judah, abide in tents; and my lord Joab, and the servants of my lord, are encamped in the open fields, to eat and to drink, and to lie with my wife? as thou livest, and as thy soul liveth, I will not do this thing. And David said to Uriah, Tarry here to day also, and to morrow I will let thee depart. So Uriah abode in Jerusalem that day, and the morrow. And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house. And it came to pass in the morning, that David wrote a letter to Joab, and sent it by the hand of Uriah. And he wrote in the letter, saying, Set ye Uriah in the forefront of the hottest battle, and retire ye from him, that he may be smitten, and die. And it came to pass, when Joab observed the city, that he assigned Uriah unto a place where he knew that valiant men were. And the men of the city went out, and fought with Joab: and there fell some of the people of the servants of David; and Uriah the Hittite died also. Then Joab sent and told David all the things concerning the war; And charged the messenger, saying, When thou hast made an end of telling the matters of the war unto the king, And if so be that the king’s wrath arise, and he say unto thee, Wherefore approached ye so nigh unto the city when ye did fight? knew ye not that they would shoot from the wall? Who smote Abimelech the son of Jerubbesheth? did not a woman cast a piece of a millstone upon him from the wall, that he died in Thebez? why went ye nigh the wall? then say thou, Thy servant Uriah the Hittite is dead also. So the messenger went, and came and shewed David all that Joab had sent him for. And the messenger said unto David, Surely the men prevailed against us, and came out unto us into the field, and we were upon them even unto the entering of the gate. And the shooters shot from off the wall upon thy servants; and some of the king’s servants be dead, and thy servant Uriah the Hittite is dead also. Then David said unto the messenger, Thus shalt thou say unto Joab, Let not this thing displease thee, for the sword devoureth one as well as another: make thy battle more strong against the city, and overthrow it: and encourage thou him. And when the wife of Uriah heard that Uriah her husband was dead, she mourned for her husband. And when the mourning was past, David sent and fetched her to his house, and she became his wife, and bare him a son. But the thing that David had done displeased the Lord. And the Lord sent Nathan unto David, And he came unto him, and said unto him, There were two men in one city; the one rich, and the other poor. The rich man had exceeding many flocks and herds: But the poor man had nothing, save one little ewe lamb, which he had bought and nourished up: and it grew up together with him, and with his children; it did eat of his own meat, and drank of his own cup, and lay in his bosom, and was unto him as a daughter. And there came a traveller unto the rich man, and he spared to take of his own flock and of his own herd, to dress for the wayfaring man that was come unto him; but took the poor man’s lamb, and dressed it for the man that was come to him. And David’s anger was greatly kindled against the man; and he said to Nathan, As the Lord liveth, the man that hath done this thing shall surely die: And he shall restore the lamb forefold, because he did this thing, and because he had no piety. And Nathan said to David, Thou art the man. Thus saith the Lord God of Israel, I anointed thee king over Israel, and I delivered thee out of the hand of Saul; And I gave thee thy master’s house, and thy master’s wives into thy bosom, and gave thee the house of Israel and of Judah; and if that had been too little, I would moreover have given unto thee such and such things. Wherefore hast thou despised the commandment of the Lord, to do evil in his sight? thou hast killed Uriah, the Hittite with the sword, and hath taken his wife to be thy wife, and hath slain him with the sword of the children of Ammon. Now therefore the sword shall never depart from thine house; because thou hast despised me, and hast taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be thy wife. Thus saith the Lord, Behold, I will raise up evil against thee out of thine own house, and I will take thy wives before thine eyes, and give them unto thy neighbour, and he shall lie with thy wives in the sight of this sun. For thou didst it secretly: but I will do this thing before all Israel, and before the sun. And David said unto Nathan, I have sinned against the Lord. And Nathan said unto David, The Lord also hath put away thy sin; thou shalt not die. Howbeit, because by this deed thou hast given great occasion to the enemies of the Lord to blaspheme, the child also that is born unto thee shall surely die”.
Samson – The strongest man (Judges 16), “Then went Samson to Gaza, and saw there an harlot, and went in unto her. And it was told the Gazites, saying, Samson is come hither. And they compassed him in, and laid wait for him all night in the gate of the city, and were quiet all the night, saying, In the morning, when it is day, we shall kill him. And Samson lay till midnight, and arose at midnight, and took the doors of the gate of the city, and the two posts, and went away with them, bar and all, and put them upon his shoulders, and carried them up to the top of an hill that is before Hebron. And it came to pass afterward, that he loved a woman in the valley of Sorek, whose name was Delilah. And the lords of the Philistines came up unto her, and said unto her, Entice him, and see wherein his great strength lieth, and by what means we may prevail against him, that we may bind him to afflict him: and we will give thee every one of us eleven hundred pieces of silver. And Delilah said to Samson, Tell me, I pray thee, wherein thy great strength lieth, and wherewith thou mightest be bound to afflict thee. And Samson said unto her, If they bind me with seven green withs that were never dried, then shall I be weak, and be as another man. Then the lords of the Philistines brought up to her seven green withs which had not been dried, and she bound him with them. Now there were men lying in wait, abiding with her in the chamber, And she said unto him, The Philistines be upon thee, Samson. And he brake the withs, as a thread of tow is broken when it toucheth the fire. So his strength was not known.
And Delilah said unto Samson, Behold, thou hast mocked me, and told me lies: now tell me, I pray thee, wherewith thou mightest be bound. And he said unto her, If they bind me fast with new ropes that never were occupied, then shall I be weak, and be as another man. Delilah therefore took new ropes, and bound him therewith, and said unto him, The Philistines be upon thee, Samson. And there were liers in wait abiding in the chamber. And he brake them from off his arms like a thread. And Delilah said unto Samson, Heitherto thou hast mocked me, and told me lies: tell me wherewith thou mightest be bound. And he said unto her, If thou weavest the seven locks of my head with the web. And she fastened it with the pin, and said unto him, The Philistines be upon thee, Samson. And he awaked out of his sleep, and went away with the pin of the beam, and with the web. And she said unto him, How canst thou say, I love thee, when thine heart is not with me? thou hast mocked me these three times, and hast not told me wherein thy great strength lieth. And it came to pass, when she pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, so that his soul was vexed unto death; That he told her all his heart, and said unto her, There hath not come a razor upon mine head; for I have been a Nazarite unto God from my mother’s womb: if I be shaven, then my strength will go from me, and I shall become weak, and be like any other man. And when Delilah saw that he had told her all his heart, she sent and called for the lords of the Philistines, saying, Come up this once, for he hath shewed me all his heart. Then the lords of the Philistines came up unto her, and brought money in their hand. And she made him sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head; and she began to afflict him, and his strength went from him. And she said, The Philistines be upon thee, Samson. And he awoke out of his sleep, and said, I will go out as at other times before, and shake myself. And he wist not that the Lord was departed from him. But the Philistines took him, and put out his eyes, and brought him down to Gaza, and bound him with fetters of brass; and he did grind in the prison house. Howbeit the hair of his head began to grow again after he was shaven. Then the lords of the Philistines gathered them together for to offer a great sacrifice unto Dagon their god, and to rejoice: for they said, Our god hath delivered Samson our enemy into our hand. And when the people saw him, they praised their god: for they said, Our god hath delivered into our hands our enemy, and the destroyer of our country, which slew many of us. And it came to pass, when their hearts were merry, that they said, Call for Samson, that he may make us sport. And they called for Samson out of the prison house; and he made them sport: and they set him between the pillars. And Samson said unto the lad that held him by the hand, Suffer me that I may feel the pillars whereupon the house standeth, that I may lean upon them. Now the house was full of men and women; and all the lords of the Philistines were there; and there were upon the roof about three thousand men and women, that beheld while Samson made sport. And Samson called unto the Lord, and said, O Lord God, remember me, I pray thee, and strengthen me, I pray thee, only this once, O God, that I may be at once avenged of the Philistines for my two eyes. And Samson took hold of the two middle pillars upon which the house stood, and on which it was borne up, of the one with his right hand, and of the other with his left. And Samson said, Let me die with the Philistines. And he bowed himself with all his might; and the house fell upon the lords, and upon all the people that were therein. So the dead which he slew at his death were more than they which he slew in his life. Then his brethren and all the house of his father came down, and took him, and brought him up, and buried him between Zorah and Eshtaol in the buryingplace of Manoah his father. And he judged Israel twenty years”.
Let us take a close look at Samson’s dating downfall
1) According to Judges 14:1, Samson saw a woman of the Philistines. We might call this lusting after a girl. Giving away part of your heart, reserved for your life’s partner. “And Samson went down to Timnath, and saw a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines”.
2) Samson next told his parents to get her for him Judges 14:2. This here, gives an appearance of propriety, just like a shot gun wedding, for a pregnant bride. However, who is in charge here, who is making all the decisions. “And he came up , and told his father and his mother, and said, I have seen a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines: now get her for me to wife”.
3) Samson’s father obeying his son, went to make arrangements with the woman, while Samson was having a big wedding feast for seven days. Samson was clearly enjoying self. Judges 14:10,15a – “ So his father went down unto the woman: and Samson made there a feast; for so used the young men to do”. “And it came to pass on the seventh day”.
4) Samson lost this woman unto another man. Judges 14:19-20. “And the Spirit of the Lord came upon him, and he went down to Ashkelon, and slew thirty men of them, and took their spoil, and gave change of garments unto them which expounded the riddle. And his anger was kindled, and he went up to his father’s house. But Samson’s wife was given to his companion, whom he had used as his friend”. In dating, how many ones are gone through, before you stop on one, for a while?
5) Samson saw a prostitute next, and went in unto her. Judges 16:1. (Printed above) Here we see Samson on the rebound, to fulfill sexual desires, went and found a wicked woman.
6) According to Judges 16:4 (Printed above), Samson now loved a woman of the Philistines named Delilah. Samson who had already experienced lust, immorality, and sinful pleasure, now with this mindset, finds Delilah.
7) Finally, we see that wicked Delilah, betrays Samson, leading to his death (Judges 16:19-31, printed above). A good key for us to learn here, is to keep your eyes away from the wrong ones (that is, any one that you are not married to).
The Bible states in Proverbs 23:33, “Thine eyes shall behold strange women, and thine heart shall utter perverse things”.
The
Bible also states in Job 31:1, “I made a covenant with
mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?”
B. Goals
of Dating (Pure humanism) – There is really only one
goal.
The goal of dating is truly, self-gratification. It is never the happiness of the other person! (Enjoy the moment, don’t think about the consequences)
The Bible states in Ecclesiastes 11:9, “Rejoice, O young man, in thy youth; and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth, and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes: but know thou, that for all these things God will bring thee into judgement”.
The physical result is seen in I Corinthians 7:1-2. “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch (sexual excite) a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband”.
According to I Thessalonians 4:6, dating always leads to defraudment. That is, a young girl gives at the least, part of her heart to someone who is not her husband. She cannot get back, that which has been given. A young man, through dating, stores up mental images, which takes away from a pure relationship, with his future wife. “That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified”.
Jim West declares in his book on Courting, “even hand holding is a form of sexual foreplay. What then is dating? Dating is practicing divorce early” (the breaking up process).
A good key to remember here is that Virginity is both outward and inward. The Bible states in Proverbs 6:25, “Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids”.
C. Traits of Dating
1). No chaperon’s! – According to Jim West, in his book, prior to 1920 in the United States, courtship practices included the rigid supervision of the female. What happened in the roaring 20’s? – Women’s liberation!
2). There is no commitment past the date
According to 2 Samuel 13:2- 14,15, we find the desire for a VIRGIN, than the hatred of her, once she was defiled.
“And Amnon was so vexed, that he fell sick for his sister Tamar; for she was a virgin; and Amnon thought it hard for him to do any thing to her”. “Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but, being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her. Then Amnon hated her exceedingly; so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone”.
3). The date is plan by the adolescences. The young people decide where they will go.
4). Physical intimacies are expected, rather than forbidden. Thus the female is always vulnerable.
Ann Landers stated years ago, “The female who agrees to petting, but does not want to complete the sex act, is asking for trouble, and she probably will get it”.
5). The Father’s role in dating is obliterated. NOTE – The chance of a person finding the right life’s partner, is about 1 in
2 ½ billion (half the population). This is clearly not good odds, the lottery has better odds!
What than is wrong with dating?
1. Dating
deletes parental involvement and authority.
2. Dating
is an unbiblical custom that grows out of the boyfriend/girlfriend
concept of our day.
3. Dating
exposes young people to some terrible dangers.
a) Dating is a threat to purity. The Bible states in Romans 13:14, “But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof”. Your flesh is weak. You can never trust your flesh, even if you are saved. One resent statistic stated that date/rape on college campuses was up to about 25%. It is important to remember what the Bible states in Matthew 26:41, “Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak”.
b) Dating is a threat to emotional stability
c) Dating is a threat to spiritual growth
d) Dating is a threat to spiritual fellowship
e) Dating is a threat to future happiness
4. Dating
involves deceitfulness (Everyone is looking for an ideal,
but instead they marry a raw deal, now their marriage
is an ordeal, so now they are looking for a new deal).
5. Dating is not Biblical. Dating is not found in the Bible,
as blessed by God, in word, example, or principle.
6. The
dating spirit, of Dating, leads to emotional defraudment.
This
stays in
the mind, for the rest of a person’s life.
Teens and young adults let their emotions wander towards someone, and than someone else, and than someone else, etc.
Creating a shattered heart – crushes, a fantasy land.
These mental images are brought up, over and over again, once they are married. Literally, a person enters marriage, not giving their whole heart to their mate!
KEY – Parents, need to teach their child to control their emotions. Parents need to get and keep their child’s heart!
The Bible states in Proverbs 23:26, “My son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes observe my ways”.
The Bible also states in 2 Corinthians 11:2, “For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ”.
It should be very clear, that giving away your heart, one boy to the next boy, to the next boy, or one girl to the next girl, to the next girl, would not leave one a chaste virgin to Christ!
7. Dating violates several key Biblical Principles
a. The motive is wrong (self indulgence vrs. self giving)
b. The goal is wrong (pleasure and not commitment)
c. The idea is wrong (let the flesh control)
d. The results are wrong (no purity, divorce, dirty minds, etc.)
e. The principal of a one man-woman, or a one woman-man is violated.
The Bible states in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8, “For this is the will of God, even your santification, that ye should abstain from fornication: That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in santification and honour; Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God: That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified. For God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness. He therefore that despiseth, despiseth not man, but God, who hath given unto us his holy Spirit”.
f. The principle of security rather than insecurity, of sons and daughters, in relationships, is violated.
g. Dating violates the command to treat one another like brothers and sisters
The Bible states in 1 Timothy 5:1-2, “Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren; The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity”.
h. Dating violates the command to walk by faith, and not by sight. The Bible states in 2 Corinthians 5:7, “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us”.
i. Dating in any form, violates the command not to defraud (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8, stated above).
1. Stolen physical affection
2. Stolen emotional affection
A good illustration is sheep in the pasture, with two gates. Outside the gates is the world, with wolves waiting to devoir them. Inside the pasture is protection, with safety provided by the Shepard. Each gate is a boundary line, which the sheep must not cross, unless with the Shepherd. A boy-girl relationship also has two boundaries, which they must not cross witout the timing of the Shepherd—MARRIAGE. These two boundary lines are your emotions and your physical contact, with one another. This would involve :
1. Any touching
2. Any flirting
3. Any improper thought
The Bible states in Proverbs 4:23, “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life”.
Human emotions are not to be treated like toys. First love needs to be your husband or wife, and them only till death. This is similar to our relationship, with Christ. He is to be our love only, forever. Notice what the Bible states in Revelation 2:4 “Nevertheless I have something against thee, because thou hast left thy first love”.
j. Dating violates the principal of going to sleep and waiting on God to wake you up at the proper time. The Bible states in Genesis 2:21-22, “And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man”. It is important to remember that girls should never seek a mate at all, this is the man’s role.
k. Both Dating and Courtship (discussed next) violates the principal of being ready to marry, when you begin seeking a bride. Remember, God woke up Adam!
l. Dating is a strong threat to future happiness in marriage. There is a loss of purity, both mental and physical.
m. Dating is a proven failure historically and socially.
n. Dating is a threat to emotional stability.
o. Dating is a threat to spiritual growth and Christian fellowship!
II. The average Church’s Plan for dealing with boy-girl relationships
(Commonly called Christian Dating)
The Bible states in 1 Samuel 8:19-20, “Nevertheless the people refused to obey the voice of Samuel; and they said, Nay; but we will have a king over us; That we may be like all the nations; and that our kings may judge us, and go out before us, and fight our battles”.
The average fundamental church, has a Christian school and/or a church geared teen department, for pairing up young people.
1) In this Christian school we will turn our children over to a female who is not a keeper of the home. The Bible states in Titus 2:4-5, “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed”.
For the saved parents, this school also violates Deuteronomy 4:9. The Bible states in Deuteronomy 4:9, “Only take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life: but teach them thy sons, and thy sons’ sons”.
The problem is, the parenting job, becomes the schools! Peer pressure alone, even in a Christian school, is enough reason to keep children at home. At what age, do we really want are children getting involved with the opposite gender!
2) Have ice cream socials at school or for the Church teen department, and encourage pairing up. Some Churches have even gone so far as to make fun of young people who do not want to pair up.
3) Don’t have a Prom, but instead have a Christian Prim, open to young immature Christian couples. You never know, you might get that lost date saved at the Prim.
Remember, if you get a Canaanite guy or girl, even saved, and marry them, you not only marry the boy or girl, but you also marry her family. You now have Mr. and Mrs. Lucifer as in-laws!
4) Have the children sit together in pairs in church, at school, and in the chapel services.
5) Have youth hay rides, bus rides, youth parties, with of course, no parental supervision.
6) Encourage early marriages, and tell the girl not to get into trouble. Warn the young people about aids.
7) Finally wait for the after marriage singles class to achieve real church growth, and leadership.
And of course, all God’s people will say Amen, or should it be, Oh! Me.
III The more conservative Church Plan ---- Courting!
(Taught and practiced in all Charity fellowships, most home school groups, and several Independent Baptist Camp Meetings).
Original definition of Courting, “A single man, seeking a married woman!” Taken from, From Her Hand In Marriage, by Douglas Wilson, Cannon Press.
As applied today, Courting is two young people, who are interested in each other, spending time together, to find out if they think they should marry, with Adult supervision always, or until engaged. This does involve the girl’s father’s approval often.
Under Courting however, a girl or guy, can still Court several, before deciding on who to settle down with.
One can be courting, without planning on getting married any time soon!
What are the main problems of Courting?
1) The concept of Courting is not found in the Bible.
2) Fifty % of Courting relationships, are still called off (S.M. Davis quote)
3) The defrauding of the heart, (the emotions), is still very much present.
IV. Finding God’s Mate for your entire life, from a Biblical prospective.
The Bible states in Isaiah 59:14, “And judgment is turned away backward, and justice standeth afar off: for truth is fallen in the street, and equity cannot enter”.
God’s Biblical Plan, begins at birth, and last throughout Marriage until death.
1) To begin with, we need to start with a Biblical family. The Bible states in Psalm 127, “Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep. Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate”.
A). A family that has God’s number of children, not your number, or the world’s number. Genesis 30:22 states, “And God remembered Rachel, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb”.
B). A family that home schools. The Bible states in Deuteronomy 6:6-9, “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates”. In the Biblical family, the woman stays home, and doesn’t work, except in connection with her home. This does not prohibit a home business as the Proverbs Chapter 31, woman.
C). A family that prays, worships, and daily studies their Bibles together.
D). A family that believes and lives right! – Thus a historic AnaBaptist.
2) A family controlled by Biblical Fathers. I Corinthians 7:36-38, states “But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry. Nevertheless he that standeth steadfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doth well. So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better”.
According to this passage, the father can say no! The Bible also states in John 6:37, that the Heavenly Father, choose the Bride for his Son, the Lord Jesus (All that come to the Son, the Father receives)
“All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out”.
According to Deuteronomy 22:21, a fornicating woman is treason against her father!
“ Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she has wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father’s house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you”.
Why then, is the father’s role so strong!
In Numbers 30:3-8, the Bible states, “If a woman also vow a vow unto the Lord, and bind herself by a bond, being in her father’s house in her youth; And her father hear her vow, and her bond wherewith she hath bound her soul, and her father shall hold his peace at her; then all her vows shall stand, and every bond wherewith she hath bound her soul shall stand. But if her father disallow her in the day that he heareth; not any of her vows, or of her bonds wherewith she hath bound her soul, shall stand: and the Lord shall forgive her, because her father disallowed her. And if she had at all an husband, when she vowed, or uttered ought out of her lips, wherewith she bound her soul; And her husband heard it, and held his peace at her in the day that he heard it: then her vows shall stand, and her bonds wherewith she bound her soul shall stand. But if her husband disallowed her on the day that he heard it; then he shall make her vow which she vowed, and that which she uttered with her lips, wherewith she bound her soul, of none effect: and the Lord shall forgive her.
In this passage of Scripture, we see that a Father, or husband can veto a daughters or wives decision.
According to Genesis 2:24 and 1 Peter 3:7, the woman is the weaker vessel, both physically and emotionally, and under her father until marriage. The woman is to leave her home, and only enter into her husbands home! Thus, stay home until marriage. This leaves out any college, away from home.
Genesis 2:24, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh”.
1 Peter 3:7, “Likewise, ye husbands dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered”.
In Exodus 22:17, the Father made the choice
Exodus 22:17, “If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins”.
In Genesis 24:1-4, 58 and 67, Isaac’s father determined the wife for his son, which was Rebecca. Rebecca could say no though, for she was consulted.
Genesis 24:1-4, 58, and 67, “And Abraham was old, and well stricken in age: and the Lord had blessed Abraham in all things. And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh: And I will make thee swear by the Lord, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites among whom I dwell: But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.” Verses 58 & 67, “And they called Rebekah and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go…. And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife, and he loved her: and he was comforted after his mother’s death”.
3.God’s Biblical plan of marriage has commitment more important than infatuation, or even love.
4. God’s Biblical plan of marriage has finding God’s mate for your life, God’s Way, which is Betrothing!
Betrothal definition ---
Betrothal is a secure interfamily relationship, based on God’s Biblical pattern of getting married, where a qualified single man, with his father’s approval, seeks out a qualified single woman for marriage only, by going through her father first, for his approval, for the qualified man to pursue his daughter, followed by the approval of the qualified woman, and supervised by the woman’s parents, until marriage.
It must be remembered, that a Father of a qualified single woman, should never tell any qualified single man, of the father’s approval, without first talking the qualified man over with his daughter, and wisely her mother!
A single lady, should never be the one to tell a qualified man, she does not approve of him. He should never know, she did not approve of him. This is only possible, if the father of the daughter, checks with her first, before giving the go ahead of the qualified man. All the father of the girl, needs to say to the qualified man, is that he believes it is not God’s will, for the man to pursue his daughter. By being a father, this should leave no hard feelings!
This does not mean, a qualified lady has to give an immediate answer concerning the qualified man.
She might write out a questionnaire for her father to give to the qualified man to fill out.
There might also be some areas of study, between the qualified man and the girl’s father, before approval is granted or denied. There might also be other factors that need to be found out and addressed, before approval is granted or denied.
The families might also get together at a family outing with several families, to see how well the qualified man and qualified lady relate to one another, and with others.
What is God’s Plan for his own Son in finding a bride?
1) The Father and the Son together choose the bride. Ephesians 1:4
Ephesians 1:4, “According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love:”
2) The Son was sent by the Father to win His bride. Luke 19:10
Luke 19:10, “For the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost”.
3) The Son was in continual communication with the Father as He sought His bride. John 5:30; Mark 1:35.
John 5:30,“I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me”.
Mark 1:35, “And in the morning, rising up a great while before day, he went out, and departed into a solitary place, and there prayed.”
4) Jesus paid the greatest bride price. 1 Peter 1:18-19, “Forasmuch as ye know that ye were not redeemed with corruptible things, as silver and gold, from your vain conversation received by tradition from your fathers; But with the precious blood of Christ, as a lamb without blemish and without spot:”
5) The bride has the opportunity to accept or reject the Groom. Joshua 24:14-15; John 6:66; John 5:40; Acts 7:51-52; Proverbs 1:24.
Joshua 24:14-15, “Now therefore fear the Lord, and serve him in sincerity and in truth: and put away the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the flood, and in Egypt; and serve ye the Lord. And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord”. John 6:66, “From that time many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him”.
John 5:40, “And ye will not come to me, that ye might have life”.
Acts 7:51-52, “Ye stiffnecked and uncircumcised in heart and ears, ye do always resist the Holy Ghost: as your fathers did, so do ye. Which of the prophets have not your fathers persecuted? and they have slain them which shewed before of the coming of the Just One; of whom ye have been now the betrayers and murderers:”
Proverbs 1:24, “Because I have called, and ye refused; I have stretched out my hand, and no man regarded;”
6) The groom gives gifts (spiritual and physical) to the bride. He has given His love to the bride and we are growing to love Him more with each passing day. John 14:1-3; Philippians 1:6, & 21; Romans 8:38-39.
John 14:1-3, “Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also”.
Philippians 1:6, 21, “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:” Verse 21, “For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain”.
Romans 8:38-39, “For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor death, nor any other creature, shall be able, to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord”.
7) We cannot touch Him, but we will. Acts 1:9, “And when he had spoken these things, while they beheld, he was taken up; and a cloud received him out of their sight”.
John 14:18-20, “I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also. At that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me, and I in you”.
8) Our marriage to Him will take place in the future, after the Rapture. Revelation 19:7-9; and 2 Corinthians 11:2.
Revelation 19:7-9, “Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready. And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints. And he saith unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he saith unto me, These are the true sayings of God”.
2 Corinthians 11:2, “For I am jealous over you with godly jealously: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ”.
KEY – No arranged marriages, but agreed marriages!
The world says – The key to marriage is love and Romance!
The Bible teaches – The key to marriage is Duty, Responsibility, trust, and Commitment!
Love is the Result of a Christian Marriage!
Betrothal is God’s Method of getting you to that Christian Marriage.
Betrothal – Deuteronomy 20:7, “And what man is there that hath betrothed a wife, and hath not taken her? let him go and return unto his house, lest he die in the battle, and another man take her”.
Betrothal Meetings or Betrothal Appointments are terms used by some today, to get to the marriage alter in manner honoring God, after a betrothing relationship has begun!
Definition of a biblical wedding – The bride price has been paid, and the couple has exchanged vows to one another and God, in the presence of witnesses.
Why have a bride price today?
The Bible states in Proverbs 31:10, “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies”.
What are some of the Biblical factors why a bride price is still good for today?
1) It was the most important of three earthly gifts dealing with Marriage. The Bible states in Deuteronomy 28:14, “And thou shalt not go aside from the words which I command thee this day, to the right hand, or to the left, to go after other gods to serve them”. In a world where everyone has an idea of how to get to the marriage alter pure, truth is right down the center of the narrow road, with ditches leading to disaster on both sides.
a. The bride Price or dowry – The Hebrew word is Mohar. This was riches from the young man to the Brides’ Father. Today, it might be a task the young man must first accomplish, before a Betrothal relationship begins. Remember, she is worth far above rubies! The Hebrew concept of Mohar is found in the next three passages.
Exodus 22:17, “ If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins”.
Deuteronomy 22:29,”Then the man that lay with her shall give the damsel’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days”.
Genesis 24:53, “And the servant brought forth jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment, and gave them to Rebekah: he gave also to her brother and to her mother precious things”.
b. The gifts to the betrothed, from the young man. The Hebrew word is Mattan. It is used 5 times in the Old Testament. An example in the Bible of the word Mattan is Genesis 34:12, “Ask me never so much dowry and gift, and I will give according as ye shall say unto me: but give me the damsel to wife”.
c. The gifts from the Bride’s Father to the new couple. The Hebrew word is Shachad. Notice what the Bible says in Proverbs 17:8, “A gift is as a precious stone in the eyes of him that hath it: whithersoever it turneth, it prospereth”.